Why fish is bad for you

My doctor wants me to eat fish. Something about vitamins and healthy fats...blah, blah, blah. I don't hate fish, but I'd rather catch it than eat it. But in a half hearted attempt to act like an adult and follow my doctors advice, I am trying to eat fish once a week, which is not the 2-3 times a week that she recommended, but honestly, there's no point in even pretending that I'm going to do that.

So this weekend, with good intentions, I paid 3.00 for a tiny little fillet of soggy-fleshed, farm raised, imitation salmon. Obviously I much prefer the firmer, wild caught salmon, but not at 17.00 a lb. I made caesar salmon - fillet of salmon coated with caesar dressing and sprinkled with parmesan. Quite delicious. I stuck it on a cookie sheet and threw it in the oven. All was well.

Until it was time to check the fish. I'm normally fairly competent in the kitchen, but what happened Sunday afternoon made me look like the Swedish Chef. In my haste to get the fish out of the oven, I grabbed a dishcloth instead of a potholder. Said dishcloth did not cover my hand completely, and when I grabbed the cookie sheet, the hot pan caught me between my thumb and forefinger. I promptly dropped the pan, flipping it over and causing it to fling my fish onto the oven door before it clattered to the tile floor. My fish then slid down the oven door and underneath the oven burners where it promptly started to smoke. I grabbed a potholder and snatched the racks out of the oven to put in the sink so I could rescue my fish, but stepped on the dropped cookie sheet, which bent and went sliding across the floor, causing me to fall on the floor and my oven racks to go sailing across the kitchen. Fish is still smoking. Uninjured, I got up and went to scrape my fish out of the oven, remembering in the nick of time that all of my utensils are plastic. Crap. Where are my tongs? That's right, I used them on the wasps....too bad, I need them now. Rinse off the wasp parts and pick up my salmon, piece by piece off the floor of the oven. I managed to salvage most of it.

I paid $3.00 for that stupid fish - it's getting eaten.