Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Why I Love my Sister
Siblings are great. I have one younger sister, whom I have had the privilege of tormenting for the last 30 some odd years. I have enjoyed every minute of it. There were some pleasant times, like when I crocheted clothes for her Barbie, or built forts on the picnic table, or Christmas morning when I sent her to flush the toilet in the hall at 4am so we could run out to the living room and check our stockings. Turns out our parents were onto us, but we thought we were really clever.
Over the years she has become a wonderful friend to me, and now she is a wife and mother. But, once upon a time:
- I shot her in the eye with a rubber band and made her tell our mom she hit her face on the couch. Now I realize the injuries look nothing alike. She had to wear an eye patch for a week.
- I told her she was adopted and that if she didn’t believe me she could go ask mom. I told her that mom would deny it. So she’d ask mom and mom would deny it. Every time. I never got tired of that one.
- I made her sneak out to the kitchen to get chocolate chip cookies, so if we got caught she would be the one with her hand in the cookie jar. Literally.
- I put spiders in her bed. And crickets.
- When my family moved I was away from home for the summer and my mother was going to pack my things. I made my sister go get the naughty magazine I had found and throw it over the back fence. Sorry neighbors.
- I made her play Robinson Crusoe in my moms garden and told her that in order to survive she could only eat what she could find in there. I can’t tell you how many dried pinto beans she ate.
- I told her that a monster lived in the gutter drainage hole we had to pass on our way to school everyday, and that if she didn’t feed it, it would come out and get her. So every morning she had to throw something from her lunchbox in there. Sorry for wasting food, Mom. And I apologize to the water/sewer people who probably had to clean out the moldy sandwiches.
- I told her that a piece of cat poop was a tootsie roll. In my defense, the boy who is now my step brother had already done that to me.
- I made her put her tongue on the end of a 9 volt battery…. Again, my now brother did that to me first. I was really glad when he peed on the electric fence.
I’m sure there are many, many other horrible things I did to my sister. But I would just like to take this opportunity to say, I love you sister. And thank you for not killing me in my sleep.